Finding My Way Back

I hesitated before posting this. Me in a bathing is not something I’ve ever found particularly comfortable. I’ve never let it stop me from going swimming, but I’ve certainly never wanted photographic evidence of it. But, as I was going through old pictures on my laptop I came across this photo that I had forgotten about. I’m sure I purposely filed it away.

When I took this picture I had a hard time looking at it. I had lost a lot of weight the year before and as I hit my all time low the scale started going right back up. At the time, I thought I looked heavy in this picture. It was right when I started a new job that would actually worsen my back pain, making it difficult to keep up my workouts and then shortly after, my life would be turned upside down by the effects of uterine fibroids. My weight would continue to climb as gym routines were almost impossible while I was literally bleeding nonstop.

I constantly judged myself. I was never thin enough, never looked good enough. Even as I fought to get my health back, I picked myself apart.

tan

Now I look at this picture and think, “WTF Karen?! You looked great! You were fine!” But I never felt that way.

How often have you done this? Why are so many of us not able to accept ourselves in the moment? There is so much time wasted criticizing and judging ourselves, only to see, years later, how OK we were really were.

I don’t want to keep avoiding looking at pictures only to accept them years later. That’s how we miss moments and don’t appreciate what’s happening right now!

I still struggle with feeling like I look good enough, even after I’ve worked with men and women on loving and accepting themselves unconditionally. As I get older, it’s definitely not easier. But I’m still working on it. 

I hope sharing this helps you. I moved away from coaching for a while because it hit so close to home. I’m thinking maybe it’s time to give it another shot. If you’re struggling to find acceptance, find one thing you can honestly say you like about your body and share it below.  I started with my skin tone. It doesn’t matter how small a feature. Just take a step. 

Love,
first name

 

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