Most of my life I’ve been overweight. Not a lot but never thin. Or, at least, what I thought of as “thin”. About two years ago, after gaining a lot of weight due to a severe depression, I lost 40 pounds. I went from a size 14 to a 6. Everybody told me I looked great. And I felt pretty good. I mean, I worked really hard to lose all that weight. I watched my food and worked out hard 5-6 days a week. I was able to buy clothes easier than before and it was amazing when a fitness instructor at my gym asked me what I was training for.
But you know what, I was still me. I did meet men who gave me attention and that was nice. But it didn’t change everything and it didn’t make things perfect. At my lowest weight I went to my cousin’s wedding. I bought a hot dress and I looked pretty good. I had just started dating someone. He said he’d love to be my date for the wedding. I was so excited. I had been single for a long time and I was seated at the wedding with all married couples. So how awesome was this. I lost all this weight, I was thin and sexy and I’d finally have a date for this wedding.
Well, a few days before the wedding the guy bailed and said he couldn’t go. I went to the wedding alone. How was it that after all of that hard work I was still alone? I had a nice time, danced with my daughters and it was ok. But it was hard. And it reminded me that losing the weight didn’t change my life. I mean, I knew that. Yet, part of me still lived with this fantasy that when I was thin things would be better. I would find a great guy, a fulfilling job and the sky would be filled with rainbows. Ok, I wasn’t that delusional. But really everything was the same.
I’ve gained back some of the weight I lost. Keeping up grueling workouts hasn’t been sustainable for me. I’m healthy, I exercise. But I want to be ok with myself even if I’m not a size 6. We all deserve to be happy and feel good about ourselves, regardless of the size of our jeans, and realize that what makes us awesome isn’t our weight.
bloomingintowellness.com 